by Jordy Rose

People tend to either love or hate Twilight, the vampire teen romance novel from Stephenie Meyer that's now been turned into a vampire teen romance movie. As for me, I just found it rather bland. Plot summary (minus spoilers): seventeen-year-old Bella Swan moves to Forks, WA, settles in and adjusts to a new high school, and falls in love with the beyond-beautiful Edward Cullen, who happens to be a vampire. The story is not exactly predictable, per se, but nothing in it is actually surprising. As a quick reader, I personally skimmed over the countless uses of "beautiful" and similar descriptives; it's this ridiculously overabundant tribute to Edward that is mostly likely the cause of the violent disgust from one camp of readers. There are some scenes in the book which seem less than related to the story, but I actually think Meyer kept from overdoing this too much. It adds a bit of verisimilitude to a teenager's first few weeks in a new home and school.

It's important to remember that Twilight is a romance. The whole point is for readers to vicariously enjoy a relationship with a ridiculously beautiful vampire. Everything that might be read as "plot" is there in order to develop that relationship; to then complain that the plot is weak or late in coming would be missing the point.

Personally, as a writer, I have to say Meyer's greatest sin is making the vampires extremely overpowered. Besides physical beauty, they are also ridiculously fast, have incredible strength and senses, and (in some cases) possess extrasensory abilities. The only person or creature who could take on a Meyer vampire would be another Meyer vampire, and without giving away too much that does end up happening. The one saving feature is that multiple characters allude to this; at least Meyer realizes she's doing it.

So why do people like Twilight? Bella is an underdog, an awkward teenage girl struggling to fit into the popular crowd, who finds an extraordinary boyfriend devoted to her (along with several other attracted boys she has to fend off). That can be appealing for anyone who can see herself (more rarely "himself") in Bella's shoes. As for the fact that Edward's a vampire, it adds mystery, provides plot (somewhat), and proves his devotion. Even if Bella doesn't really seem to get the whole issue.

Final recommendations? Twilight is definitely a romance novel; if you don't like teen romance, you're not really going to like Twilight. (Though I imagine there is worse teen romance out there, much worse). It also doesn't feel like fantasy and Meyer's vampires don't act like regular vampires. But (judging from the reactions of teenage girls around the country), you could end up liking it despite the less-than-stellar writing. Despite being rather long for a teen romance, Twilight could certainly be a diverting low-effort read for some.

(P.S. If you hated Twilight or just had to put it down after the umpteenth "perfect", there are some amusing parodies online. Google "Twilight spoof or two".)